A Lesson In Not Knowing Why

A couple of years ago, my husband, then 39 years old, had a major heart attack. He was not a smoker; he had no family history of heart attack; he was not a drug user; he was slightly overweight and had slightly high cholesterol.

During our time in the emergency room, numerous doctors, nurses and residents questioned us about his prior medical history, activities, medications, etc. More than once during the night, they questioned us about whether or not he had used drugs. At one point, one of the residents said “Are you sure you’re not a smoker?” By that time, the medical staff knew that he had, indeed, suffered a heart attack. What they didn’t know was why. On paper, there was nothing they could point to as “the cause”. They were confused and frustrated and uncertain. It was natural for them, as doctors (and as humans), to want to give a complete and thorough explanation of why. In our confusion and fear, we would have gladly accepted a reason! After all, there is some comfort in knowing what to blame and knowing why something happens. It makes things easier to process. It makes things “fit”.

Some days later, after receiving 2 stents in an artery that was 100% blocked, my husband was told, “We don’t know why you had a heart attack. There is really no reason why someone of your age with your history should have one, but you did.” It was not easy, but we had to come to grips with the fact that we would never know exactly why.

It would be wonderful if there was some way to make sense of what happened on Monday at Virginia Tech. Knowing what was going through the shooter’s mind would make it all “fit” better in our heads. Finding something wrong with the response of the university or the demeanor of the law enforcement spokesman would allow us to focus on something other than the uncertainty that surrounds us all. None of those things, however, would satisfy any part of the questions that we seek to answer about its senselessness and waste of young lives full of potential.

I don’t believe for one instant that anyone associated with the university or the responding law enforcement did anything LESS than what they believed was in the best interest of everyone on the campus. If there had been ANY indication of what was to come, I have no doubt that any number of the decision makers would have made their way to Norris Hall to take the place of the students that were killed!

In the days and weeks to come, our time will be best spent praying for the Virginia Tech community instead of looking for targets for our blame. They don’t have any more answers then we do about why it happened and they have a campus full of young lives to put back together!

TUESDAY TIDBITS

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Covering Tracks

While the rest of the world was waiting for the next American Idol contestant to be sent home, I was trying to cover the tracks of an incompetent tooth fairy. I managed to bluff my way through the worst of it but I had to finish the job and try to decide whether or not my bluff had worked. Here is what happened next…

With the hope of more money to come in his mind, the son headed out for school. He seemed relatively unscarred at the thought that the tooth fairy had forgotten him. The mom, still not sure whether he went for the explanation or just pretended to, wasn’t sure what to do next. How could she go through the day feeling like the absolute WORST tooth fairy in the history of the world (not to mention feeling like a pretty bad mom on top of that)? She went back to the son’s room; removed the tiny tooth; and deposited another dime in the tooth fairy box. That way, it would look like the tooth fairy had returned during the school day. The mom could explain that she hadn’t seen her come and go again because she had been there while the mom was out running errands. Perfect! Perfect, that is, except for the nagging feeling of having let her son down for no good reason. So, she did what any good wife would do. She called her husband so he could join her misery!

He answered his work phone with the voice that indicated he had checked the caller ID before picking up the phone.

“Can you think of anything that WE might have forgotten last night?” she asked.

He replied, “Well, both children were accounted for at bedtime. What did we forget?”

Because the younger child was close by, she told the short version of the story in a cryptic language that he was supposed to be able to figure out using the occasional words that she spelled out. After a couple of minutes, he caught on and the sinking feeling of wanting to put himself in the tooth fairy box began to grip him. She explained the story that they would BOTH tell when they were all together that evening. Quietly, he said “I’ll feel bad about this all day. I am officially one half of the 2 worst parents in the world!”

Knowing that her work with him was a success, she answered “I know. I didn’t want to feel this bad all by myself! See you later.”

The son arrived home from school with no comment about his tooth or the reaction of his classmates to his having lost it. Absolutely nothing that indicated what he was feeling (or what he believed about his treatment from the tooth fairy). Sometime before dinner, the mom asked if he had checked the tooth fairy box again. He seemed totally uninterested when he said, “Yea. I checked it.”

“And?” asked the mom, trying not to seem to anxious.

“She came back,” he said, still not terribly interested.

By now, the mom was acting like she was folding a shirt and straightening the covers on his bed. “Did she leave anything this time?”

“Another dime,” he answered. “Now I have 11.”

The mom was gaining confidence in the story but getting tired of having to play it out. “I knew she would come back,” she said.

“Yes,” the son answered. “She must have really needed my tooth!”

Tooth Fairy Incompetence

I have indisputable, undeniable evidence that our tooth fairy should be fired! On top of that, I have an admission of guilt. No, she didn’t make remarks about a women’s basketball team and she didn’t claim to know or be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby! She did, however, commit a terrible blunder. As much as I hate to admit it, what follows is a true story!

TUESDAY EVENING – After what seems like months of talking about loose teeth and watching him wiggle the loose ones for anyone that would watch, a son lost his “first” tooth while eating dinner at a restaurant. The dad managed to get him to the restroom before it came completely out (thus, making sure that he didn’t swallow it). Upon returning to the table, they nestled it safely in the change pocket of the mom’s billfold for safe travel until it could be placed into the official “tooth fairy box”.

Technically, this is the 2nd tooth that the son has lost but the first one that came out naturally. When he was almost 2, he fell and broke the corner off one of his front teeth. It was checked but, because there was no nerve damage and he was not in pain, the Mom and Dad were advised to leave it alone. They did until about a year and a half later when that tooth abcessed and it had to be extracted. The emergency extraction was the son’s first trip to the dentist and that is WHY he already had a “tooth fairy box”.

The family managed to get home from the restaurant; place the tooth in the box; and place the box under the son’s pillow without incident. The tooth fairy carefully counted out some change that would fit in the box and placed it on her nightstand. It would be the last thing she saw when she turned out her light and that would be a reminder. Or so she thought!

WEDNESDAY MORNING – The mom awoke and went to the kitchen to find the son sitting at the kitchen table staring at the official tooth fairy box. The mom, not able to see the box yet, said “Good morning”. No response. About that time, the mom realized what the son was staring at and what a terrible slacker the tooth fairy had been. How could she forget to pay for the first tooth this child had lost? The mom asked what was in the box, knowing that it still held the tiny tooth and wishing that she could, somehow, disappear into the box herself! Again, the son didn’t speak, but quietly opened the box and held it up for the mom to see.

“She forgot,” he said. He might as well have ripped his mom’s heart out with his bare hands.

The mom said, “What do you mean she forgot? The tooth fairy doesn’t forget! Let’s go look in your room and see what we can find.”

The son’s heart wasn’t in it but he followed his mom up the stairs and toward his room. When they were close the to bed, the mom asked “Which pillow did you look under?” He pointed and didn’t seem to notice when the tooth fairy managed to slide some money under the pillow and declare that it must have been there all along. He commented, like he was talking to himself, “I know I looked there before.” The tooth fairy breathed a small sigh of relief when he eagerly grabbed the coins and started to count. She even believed that she had dodged a bullet and averted the crisis when he said, “She still didn’t take the tooth.” Oh yeah…the tooth! How does the mom explain that the tooth fairy didn’t take the tooth?

“I bet she just forgot it. You should put it back in the box and leave it on your nightstand. I am pretty sure the tooth fairy will come back for it.” He didn’t respond to that because he was busy counting his 10 dimes and putting them in his coin sorter. In a minute, when the mom thought that he hadn’t taken the bait about the tooth fairy’s return, he said “Maybe she’ll forget that she has already given me money!”

TO BE CONTINUED…

Tuesday Tidbits

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I Expect That I Would Like Her

I am just barely to the point of consistently dating my checks with the new year and already, I am tired of all the talk about the 2008 Presidential Election. On the surface, Elizabeth Edwards’ cancer recurrence is a political story. To my mind, the story is everything BUT political.

I don’t know Elizabeth Edwards, her husband, or her children. If we met, I expect that I would like her, even if I didn’t agree with her philosophically or politically. I have not dealt with the unexpected death of a child and I have never been a cancer patient. Regardless of our differences, there are similarities. I am a middle-aged woman; I am a mother of young children; and my daily life is affected by a chronic health condition (not my own). I was saddened to hear that her cancer had returned. Not because I have an interest in her husband’s political campaign, but because I hurt at the idea that her husband, her children, her extended family and her friends may have to face a life without her.

Since the announcement of her recurrence, there has been quite a bit of commentary about whether or not her husband’s political campaign should continue. Quite honestly, I just don’t think that it is anyone’s business but theirs. There are so many unknowns in this equation and there are so many variables that change frequently. The reality is that The Edwards’ have to weigh those things and make the decisions that are best for them.

I wonder more about other parts of this issue…

Would it be easier for us if we didn’t have to watch her suffer?

What would it say to and about breast cancer survivors for her to surrender?

If I am ever in that situation, would I want to have to live the life that others think is appropriate for someone with that condition?

I am going to keep thinking about these things and I’ll share more of them in future posts. What do you think?

Holy Week

If you know anything about Palm Sunday in a Southern Baptist Church, you know that, just as they cross the threshold of the Sunday School door ON THEIR WAY OUT, each child is given a palm frond to remind them of the way that Jesus was welcomed to Jerusalem.

We have 6 yr. old son that is still getting used to attending “big church”. I don’t know what he understood about the palm frond that he laid on the pew next to us because he was much more interested in the Thomas The Tank coloring book that he was working on during the sermon.

Our 3 yr. old daughter didn’t know she had received a palm frond until we reached the car and she wanted one because her brother had one. They immediately created a game in which the palm branches were weapons. We confiscated both of them until we were home and out of the confinement of the car!

Much like my children may wonder why they were given plants at church and what that means, I suspect there were lots of people in Jerusalem that day wondering what all the commotion was about. Jesus certainly had not been what they expected to that point. All indications are that His entry to the Holy City was unconventional as well. We know that, in just a few days, their opinions would turn and, instead of hailing His arrival, they would clamor for His death.
Thankfully, Jesus understood what His entry meant and He didn’t change his mind about what He had to accomplish in Jerusalem.

It is a Holy Week indeed!

"Testing, Testing, Testing"

The month of March has not been my best as far as my exercise habit is concerned. Because of Spring Break and baseball season and various other commitments, I have had more days NOT exercising than days where I was exercising. On the days when I am not at the gym, I hear a voice in my head saying “testing, testing 1,2,3, testing”. It’s like someone is testing a microphone except the microphone is fine and I am the one they are testing!

I started my exercise habit last November and I have done well. I have really made it a habit and a consistent part of my life. Occasionally, I have even missed it when I had to skip a day. In the past, when I have recommitted to exercise, something like the month of March always happens. I go great guns for the first few weeks; I hit a little slump; and I quit altogether. This time, I just listen to the voice saying “testing, testing, testing” and I smile.

Yes, I am in a little slump with my exercise. It is a test. This time, though, I am going to pass the test! Maybe this time is different because I committed to exercise for my health and not just for some short-term goal. Maybe this time is different because I have come to see my exercise as something that I am doing for myself. Maybe this time is different just because my attitude is different. Honestly, I don’t know why this time is different. I just know that I am not quitting.

There may be a couple of more days of voices before I get totally back on schedule. That’s ok. They’ll go away soon enough. Until then, I don’t mind the company while I am walking!

Reading the Difference

With the Spring Reading Thing fresh on my mind, I have been thinking about reading. Not just about what I will read, but about my process of reading. I don’t want to overthink this but I have come to realize, more than ever before, what I read and how I read it is different, regardless of WHEN I read it.

When I read for information, the act of reading is secondary to the information that I obtain. There seems to be more of an interpretation element to that type of reading. Just think about it…street signs, bank statements, receipts, notes from school, price tags…all things that we read everyday without thinking about the reading. In a sense, we take that reading for granted because we do it so automatically.

When I study or research something, I read with a pen and paper. There might be thoughts that I need to record or phrases that I need to capture. There might be an idea for an article or a blog post or a chapter that I have to record before I go to something else. There might be a web site or a job lead that I need to remember so that I can come back to it later. In this sense, reading is work…or it might lead me to write something, which is my work. I always have a READ FOR WORK pile (articles, newsletters, newspapers, job descriptions, etc.) and a separate READ pile. They are not labeled and anyone else would not know that they are not the same – just stuff to be read. To me, those piles are totally different animals and not always friendly ones.

As a writer, I sometimes feel I have lost my ability to read for pleasure. Because I enjoy the elements of written communication AND because I look at all written communication for ideas and examples, I struggle to turn that part of my brain off and just enjoy reading for its own sake. Honestly, I don’t know if that is a choice that I am capable of making. After all, if I am a writer because the ability and the passion for writing is actually ingrained in my physical being, is it possible for me to only be a reader sometimes? That is not to say that I want to be a disengaged or passive reader. Sometimes I would just enjoy being a writer that has escaped into reading – not evaluating or experimenting – just reading. What a difference that would make!

TUESDAY TIDBITS

It’s not too late to get started on the Spring Reading Thing 2007!

Place your order today for the Maryland Women of Worship Devotion Guide – Available April 1, 2007! I have 2 devotions that are being published and I am excited about seeing it.

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No, they are not new but I have just discovered Space Bags. Someone gave me some for a gift. I tried them and I am hooked. Now, I walk around my house looking at anything that needs to be stored and wonder if it would fit in a space bag. Not to mention, it is lots of fun to watch the vacuum suck all the air out!

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